another clayton rant. read at your own risk.

i know people hate getting preached at. i'm always so self-conscious about because whenever you implore people to do something or not do something there is almost always at least an implied self-righteousness undertone to it. i'm not exactly sure how to avoid that and i want to truly apologize if i send an "i'm better than you vibe". i include myself in anything i'm about to write in this post. i have absolutely no idea how many people reads this silly blog. i hope you realize that i'm not special. anybody can do anything to help. even if it means giving money at the very least. it can help so much.

i was just reflecting on my time in the villages of the 5th Section today and i have this image going through my head over and over and over and over again. This women in the poorest, most ecologically and physically poor village i will most likely ever see had this strange mechanical contraption protruding through her arm. she had her forearm crushed in some sort of rice production machinery. this happened in JUNE. she is still wearing this thing. what hospital would put this on somebody's body? obviously a hospital with improper medical knowledge, improper funding, improper care from a corrupt government.

then i got to thinking. why are so people poor? i HATE over simplified answers but i cant get this one out of my head. it is because we are rich. i understand it is very easy for me to feel this way when i see poverty and suffering all day and everyday. but it only makes it clear. how can we as a Christian whole--the richest broad people group on the planet-- not take care of each other. when there is suffering does anything else matter? it only takes a thought exercise of any sort. do you know how crappy you feel when you are sick with the flu? when you're strapped for cash? when you're love sick? the poor feel these emotions 23984797 fold compared to us. they cant seek help other than friends and family who are suffering too.

i HATE this. i hate being so angry. i'm seriously crying right now because i cant understand how the world has completely lost the point. everybody pursues what makes them "happy" in life. and that is considered "virtuous". have you ever helped somebody out? like truly had compassion and been there for them? this doesnt have to be in a poor nation, i'm talking about helping friend family stranger ANYBODY. is there any happier feeling? it truly feels like you're in heaven when you know you shared in and eased the suffering of another. dont believe me? try it.

gosh i'm sorry i'm saying the same things over and over and over again. i cant think about anything else though. i just cant. i just hate it that people suffer and die and they feel like they are suffering alone because people in the world are so rich and will never know this kind of pain. i cant get over the sense that nearly the whole world has missed the point. people dont have to suffer. PERIOD. once again that's over simplified but the world has enough for our needs but not enough for our greed. please please please please dont wait for somebody else to do these good things for you. too many people have had that mindset and that's why things dont get done. oh my goodness i hope this makes some kind of sense. i hope we can help support each other to give all of ourselves to "something bigger than ourselves" as my wonderful and beautiful fiance loves to say. it's the most heavenly feeling in the world. knowing you shared in somebody's suffering and lifted them up. Godbless you all. thank you if you read through all of my ranting and raving again. sorry if i'm too harsh but i always feel like i wasnt quite harsh enough. Thank God that God is so much better at this than i am and that i can draw strength from Him. Goodnight!